


Forgetting To Forget You

by meracanaries



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 15:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15754527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meracanaries/pseuds/meracanaries
Summary: She had promised herself not to think about it, she had promised herself that she would forget, but why was it so hard?





	Forgetting To Forget You

"No, no, definitely no." Alex said silently flipping through the catalogue in front of her before she tossed it to the side in annoyance.   
This wasn‘t working, who was she trying to fool, her mind was completely elsewhere, as if she could even begin to start thinking about a new kitchen table.   
Her old one had been broken when Kara accidentally smashed it into two halves after a very intense game of Monopoly. 

"I like this one." Alex looked up and met Sam‘s gaze.   
"What are you doing here?" She asked scooting to the side of the couch a bit so that Sam was able to sit down next to her.   
"Kara mentioned that you were here and looking for a new table, so I thought I‘d help you."  
Right, kitchen table, Alex was supposed to look for a kitchen table, except that it was pretty much the last thing on her mind. 

"Are you doing okay? You seem a bit out of it." Alex sighed, she really didn’t want to talk about, well she couldn’t really talk about it either so she had to find a way to convince Sam that everything was alright.   
"Yeah, I’m fine, I guess I’m just not that much into picking out a new table. I liked the old one."

Alex could see it in Sam’s face, the brunette didn’t believe a single word that Alex said, she could only hope that Sam wouldn’t push for the truth because she honestly couldn’t tell her.   
There was no one she could talk to, it really was a hopeless scenario.

"Alex, come on, what’s going on?" Sam asked softly, gently touching her best friends shoulder.  
"It’s… I can’t talk about it." Alex said helplessly looking at Sam in desperation.  
"Okay, you don’t have to. Just know that if you’re ready to talk about it, I’m always there for you, it doesn’t matter what it is, you can always come to me, got it?" Alex smiled and nodded.  
"Come here, hugs make everything better." Sam said with a smile, pulling Alex into her arms who had trouble to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. 

"I’ll should go home, maybe I can make up my mind about a new table when I’m actually in the kitchen." Alex said trying to get out of the booth in her favorite coffee shop.   
"Okay, we’re still going to the cinema tomorrow?" Sam asked hopeful expression on her face.  
"Of course, I promised you." Alex said putting on a brave smile when really she felt like she was burning from the inside.

She might’ve been in the coffee shop with Sam but her head and heart where completely elsewhere, somewhere they shouldn’t be. 

Of course it started to rain as soon as she stepped out of the coffee shop, because her day hadn’t been awful enough yet, now she would have to walk home through the pouring rain.   
It couldn’t possibly get any worse. 

She had promised herself not to think about it, she had promised herself that she would forget, but why was it so hard?  
Alex had tried, she had tried so damn hard to push back her feelings, for Kara’s sake, for her own sake, but it didn’t change a damn thing.   
She still couldn’t get Lena Luthor out of her mind, no matter what she tried. 

It had started innocently, Alex had been slightly fascinated when Lena had shot Corben and saved her life.   
She hadn’t spent too much of a thought about it back then, because she knew who Lena was, she of course knew what kind of reputation the Luthors had and while she tried to not judge Lena based on her family, she failed to do so in the beginning.   
She was wary to say the least, especially due to the fact that Kara seemed to get along well with Lena. 

But things had changed quickly, Lena had helped them often enough to realize that she wasn’t one of the bad guys, she had saved their asses so many times that eventually Alex had stopped counting. 

So Alex had stopped being suspicious about Lena’s possible motives a long time ago. The wariness had been replaced by something else, something that Alex was still unable to define. 

There was something about the way Lena acted around others.   
She was confident, there was no need to deny that, she knew what she was capable of and when necessary she showed that and while others might’ve found that kind of behavior either intimidating or arrogant, Alex admired it. Lena knew what she wanted and she usually went after it, there was nothing wrong with that.  
And her eyes, there was something about them that Alex couldn’t quite place, the green was hypnotizing, calm like a forest and yet wild like a storm in the middle of the ocean.   
Lena’s eyes made Alex’s head spin to a point where she had to avoid glancing at them.   
She was sure that Lena had noticed by now that she always avoided looking at her, but luckily she hadn’t said anything yet.   
The thing was, Alex knew what it felt like when she was slowly falling for someone.

She didn’t know when it happened and she honestly couldn’t explain how it happened, but there was not a single doubt in her mind about it that she was falling for Lena.   
Only problem was that Kara was into Lena. She hadn’t told her but Alex wasn’t blind.   
She saw the way that her sister looked at Lena, she couldn’t blame her for it, Alex probably would’ve done the same if she hadn’t noticed Kara’s behavior.

So she had promised herself that she wouldn’t let her feelings overtake, she had sworn that she would get over her stupid little crush before she seriously hurt herself.  
That’s where everything went south though.   
Alex was terrible when it came to getting over someone. Denying her feelings was one thing, actually getting over them was another story.

She tried to keep her time with Lena at a minimum, in fact she hadn’t seen the raven haired woman in weeks.   
She had skipped their last game night, had told Kara that she wasn’t feeling so good, which wasn’t even a lie because lately she hadn’t been sleeping and it was slowly getting to her. 

Alex had tried, but the feelings for Lena were still there and she knew that they weren’t about to magically disappear.   
Of course she could tell herself to forget about Lena over and over again but if she was being honest she had to admit that her plan to forget had been forgotten weeks ago.  
The rain was washing aways the tears that Alex had cried while she walked home, sadly it couldn’t was away the feelings for Lena. 

Alex hadn’t even entered her apartment when her phone rung, it was Kara who asked her to come to the DEO as fast as possible so naturally Alex said that she would be on her way.

 

She quickly changed her clothes because the clothes she had previously worn were completely soaked and grabbed the keys for her motorcycle before she rushed out, so much for choosing a new kitchen table.

When Alex arrived at the DEO the problem had apparently been solved.   
Kara told her how sorry she was about ten times while Alex tried to reassure her that it really was no problem, but Kara was Kara and kept on apologizing. 

Since it was still raining outside Alex decided that she might as well hit the training room of the DEO, she really wanted to punch something and maybe this way she would finally be able to get Lena out of her mind. 

"Do you know where Vasquez is?" Alex asked turning to Kara who was rambling about something Alex hadn’t really paid attention to.   
"What?" Kara said seemingly thrown off by the question.   
"I want to get some sparring done, Vasquez is the perfect training partner." Alex explained looking around the room, not able to spot the other agent.   
"I thought I’m your perfect training partner." Kara said pouting a bit but Alex wasn’t having it.   
As much as she hated it, there was no way that she was training with Kara, she would constantly remind her about the one person she was trying to forget. 

"Vasquez is with Brainy by the way, he wanted to try something new, I didn’t quite get what it was about." Kara said motioning towards the lab.  
"Alright I’ll go and see if she’s still there." Alex said hurrying towards the lab. 

 

Vasquez was indeed in the lab with Brainy, the only problem was that Kara had forgotten to mention that Lena was with them.   
Alex almost turned around on the spot when she spotted the CEO sitting next to Brainy, engaged in what seemed to be a very interesting conversation. 

"Director Danvers." Vasquez said with a smile when she saw her and Alex awkwardly smiled back, realizing that it was too late now to just run away.   
Lena turned around as well, smiling as well before she said "Hey Alex, I thought it was your free day today?"   
"Uhh yeah, it was supposed to be. Guess I can’t stay away from work for too long."   
Alex said trying to sound casual, what did she do to deserve this? She was trying to avoid Lena, so why was the universe cursing her like this?

"I know the feeling." Lena said that damn smile still on her face.   
She looked great and Alex realized how much she had missed the CEO.   
She quickly pushed the thought aside and reminded herself why she had come to the lab in the first place.   
"Vasquez, are you up for a sparring lesson?" She asked tearing her gaze away from Lena. 

"Sure why not. Need to blow off some steam?" Vasquez asked standing up from her chair.   
"Yeah you could say that." Alex mumbled. Lena threw her a questioning glance but Alex tried her best to ignore it.   
"Ready to go then." Vasquez said walking over to where Alex was standing.   
"Good, let’s head down then." Alex said, quickly turning around and almost running out of the room. 

"Do you want to tell me what’s going on?" Vasquez asked when they entered the training room.   
"Don’t take this the wrong way, but no." Alex said while Vasquez shrugged her shoulders.  
"Alright, no offense taken. If you need me to call Lucy, I’m sure she would be willing to help you." 

Alex smiled but shook her head.   
"No, it’s alright, I’m sure that Lucy has more important stuff to do than cheering me up, but I appreciate the offer."   
"Let’s get this over with then." Vasquez said walking towards the changing room, Alex following closely behind her. 

It felt good to let out at least a bit of her frustration. Vasquez was probably cursing herself for accepting Alex request to spar because Alex was hitting really hard today and it wasn’t exactly easy to counter, but she saw that Alex really needed it so she didn’t complain about the rough training session. 

Alex was thankful for it, it helped a little bit, her mind was still upstairs in the lab where Lena was, but she did her best to push the thought back and after roughly one and a half hour of sparring she was almost at a point where she started to forget at least temporarily.

Vasquez had to get back to work though and Alex wasn’t quite ready to go back upstairs so she turned towards the punching bags.   
Vasquez muttered something that sounded like "Don’t be too hard on yourself." before she disappeared, probably knowing that Alex would go as hard on herself as possible. 

 

Meanwhile Lena was still sitting in the lab with Brainy. They were slowly getting somewhere with the newest idea of the former Legion member.   
"Would you like to take a break?" Brainy asked looking at his lab partner, obviously noticing the change in Lena’s behavior over the last two hours.   
"If you don’t mind." Lena said sighing. 

She knew that she hadn’t been properly focused, she wasn’t sure if she had been focused at all, probably not.   
"Of course not, take as long as you need, I can go on on my own, you can join back in whenever you want to." Brainy offered and Lena nodded with a smile.   
"Thanks, I’m gonna go for a walk." She said before she turned to leave the lab, leaving behind Brainy who was getting back to work. 

Before Lena even knew where she was going she found herself in front of the training room, hand on the doorhandles.  
Lena took a deep breath before she entered the room. 

She had noticed Alex’s behavior over the last few weeks.   
At first she had been irritated by it, she still was now, but she also felt a bit hurt because it seemed like Alex was avoiding her and she couldn’t find a good explanation for it. 

She saw the brunette standing by the punching bags. She was hitting them hard and Lena was almost certain that her hands would be bruised whenever Alex decided to stop. 

"Go a bit easier, whatever it is you’re upset about, it’s not the bags fault." Lena said stepping towards Alex who hadn’t spotted her yet.   
She noticed how Alex flinched and visibly stiffened when she heard her voice.  
"Who said that I’m upset?" Alex asked turning towards her.

Whatever it was that Lena had wanted to say, it disappeared from her mind when she took in the sight in front of her.   
Alex was basically covered in sweat and her abs proved to be quite distracting.

"Uhmmm I don’t know, you’ve been acting strange lately." Lena managed to say, trying to tear her gaze away from Alex’s stomach.   
"Acting strange doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m upset." Alex replied, taking off her boxing gloves hissing in pain.  
Lena stepped closer taking her right hand into her own, looking at the bloody knuckles. 

"That doesn’t look too good." She said before Alex basically ripped her hand out of Lena’s grip.   
"Yeah I am aware." Alex replied turning away from Lena who couldn’t hide the expression of hurt that crossed over her face. 

"Did I do something or are you mad at me for no reason?" Lena said silently waiting for Alex to turn back around.   
She saw how Alex shoulders slumped down and heard the sigh that Alex let out.   
"I’m not mad at you, I just… I’m not in the mood for company right now." 

"Oh really, because it seems like you haven’t been in a mood for company for several weeks now." Lena said a bit harsher than she intended.   
"I don’t want to talk about it, just go." Alex whispered.  
Lena looked at Alex who was still standing with her back turned towards Lena. 

"No." Lena said putting her hand on Alex’s shoulder who almost jumped as soon as Lena’s hand touched her skin.   
"I’m not leaving without an explanation, you owe me that much." Lena said spinning Alex around so that the brunette was facing her again.   
"Don’t you get it, I can’t tell you." Alex said, avoiding Lena’s gaze. 

"Why not, I thought we’re friends, Alex and then you just stopped talking to me from one day to the next, did you think I wouldn’t notice or what were you thinking?" Lena asked trying not to sound too hurt. 

She had asked herself so many times if she had done something wrong over the last few weeks, the thoughts had kept her awake at night and she honestly couldn’t stand the thought of Alex being mad at her.   
She wanted to know the reason why Alex was suddenly putting her walls up again, she had thought that they were getting closer but apparently she had been dead wrong about it, because right now it seemed like Alex couldn’t even stand to be in the same room. 

"I wasn’t thinking, okay?! Would you please leave me alone now." Alex said sounding desperate, but it still wasn’t a good enough explanation for Lena.   
"That’s no explanation, I wasn’t thinking is an excuse and a damn weak one, which is something that you know. Just tell me the truth, did you make up your mind and decide that I’m not worthy of your trust or what is it?" Lena said, calmer than she thought was possible in her current state. 

"This is not about what you did or didn’t do, it’s about me, that’s all I’m going to say." Alex said quietly, still refusing to meet Lena’s gaze.

Lena was almost convinced by now that Alex was just a step away from crying which honestly was the last thing that she wanted but she needed answers and she needed them now. 

"That’s still no explanation and would you please look at me, I feel like I’m talking to a wall." Lena said making Alex finally look up.  
She regretted asking, Alex’s eyes were filled with tears, her usual soft brown eyes seemed empty, almost like she was just a shell. 

"Please Lena, just let me go." Alex whispered.  
"I can’t let you go like this." Lena choked out, she didn’t want to cause Alex any pain, it was the last thing that she wanted, but not knowing what was going on was hurting Lena as well.

"Trust me you don’t want to know the truth." Alex said gently tearing Lena’s hand that was still gripping her shoulder away.   
"That’s not your decision and you know it. I want to know the truth." Lena replied gazing into Alex’s eyes.  
"And you can’t force me to tell you what’s going on."   
"I know but I’m asking you to tell me. If I ever meant anything to you, you’ll tell me because I honestly don’t know how to go on if you act like that around me." Lena whispered, not even bothering to hide the fact that she had been hurt by Alex’s actions over the past few weeks. 

"That’s not fair, you know that you mean something to me." Alex said.   
"I thought I knew, I’m not so sure about it anymore." Lena replied looking to the floor before she looked up again. 

"Maybe I should just stay away from you in the future, it’s probably better for everyone." Alex said, or rather whispered, avoiding Lena’s gaze once again.   
"Better for everyone or better for you?" Lena shot back.   
The words stung, she had enough friends who had told her that it was better if they stayed away from her. She never thought that she would hear those words coming from Alex though.

"What does it matter?" Alex replied before she tried to wipe away a tear that made its way down her cheek.   
"Because you matter to me and I refuse to just let you walk away without even telling me what’s going on!" Lena shouted in desperation, tears forming in her eyes now. 

 

Alex was almost at her breaking point, she couldn’t tell Lena the reason why she had tried to stay away from her, she just couldn’t.   
On the other hand it didn’t really matter now, she was pushing away Lena no matter what.  
"It’s better for you if you don’t know. Can I go now?" Alex said suddenly feeling tired, almost drained. 

"Wow, shouldn’t I be the one who decided what’s good for me? You realize how selfish you sound right now?" Lena said fighting with tears.  
Alex hated that she had to hurt Lena but there was no way in hell that she would tell her how she felt.   
"Call it whatever you want, I’m just trying to protect you."   
"You’re not protecting me, you’re hurting my feelings!" Lena shouted before she started to sob silently.

Alex stared at her for a few seconds, shit, she had fucked up big time, that was the last thing that she had wanted.   
What was she supposed to do now? She couldn’t hug Lena, she would break if she were to hug Lena, but what else could she do to calm the other woman down?  
Lena had been right, she was acting selfish, maybe she was just trying to protect her own feelings because she was afraid to get hurt.

"I don’t want to hurt you." Alex whispered before she hugged Lena tightly who was really sobbing now.  
"Then please tell me what’s going on." Lena managed to choke out. 

"I love you." Alex said barely audible, closing her eyes, waiting for Lena to pull away.  
Lena didn’t pull away though, she didn’t move at all which was honestly more frightening than the possibility of her pulling away. 

"That’s it?" Lena finally said after what felt like eternity.   
"Uhm… yes?" Alex said uncertainly, completely thrown off by the reaction.   
"God Danvers, you’re such an idiot." Lena whispered pulling back from the hug, looking at Alex.

"Look I’m sorry, that’s exactly what I wanted to avoid, I know that you’re probably into Kara and I didn’t want to make things complicated." Alex said trying to step back, but Lena held her in place.  
"That’s not what I meant, I might have feelings for a Danvers sister, but it’s certainly not Kara." Lena said a soft smile stealing its way onto her face while Alex looked at her completely stunned. 

"Wait… what?"   
"I love you too, which is something that you would’ve known way earlier if you hadn’t avoided me and refused to talk to me." Lena said still smiling at Alex who was slowly starting to smile as well.

"I really am an idiot, huh?" Alex asked while Lena giggled leaning her head against Alex’s shoulder.  
"Yeah, a very cute idiot though, one who is allowed to kiss me right now, if I might add."   
"Hmm can’t argue with that." Alex said before she closed the last bit of space that was left between them.


End file.
